Karaoke Time!
by Solo By Choice
Summary: It's like Darth Hideous's Idea except it's by my sister Wolffe. Be prepared for horrible singing and mad Darth Vaders.
1. Horrible Singing

Deep inside his royal bedroom on Bespin, the Cloud City, Darth Hideous (Palpatine) moped about, occasionally throwing rude remarks at his red guardian people.

Finally, one of the red guardian people asked timidly, "Sir, if I may inquire, mayhap you should play your favorite game, Sorry™?"

Palpatine snarled at the red guardian and the guardian fell to the floor from shock at the hideousness (therefore the name).

Suddenly, it hit Darth Hideous. He staggered back and cried, "Eureka! I've got it! Let's play…(BUMbumbumbumBUM!) Karaoke!" and ran away to find Darth Vader.

Darth Vader was in the bathroom smearing oil on his dull mask to make it shiny (the only alternative to brushing hair). Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Chewbacca, Leia Organa, and Lando Calrissian were all asleep outside in the hall because Darth Vader was taking way too long. C-3PO had turned himself off and R2-D2 was making snoring noises. Palpatine skipped into the bathroom and cried out, "Darth Vader! Bring your guests to the dining room and let's play Karaoke!"

Darth Vader was astonished. Of all these things Darth Hideous could think of, this… this was surly the worst!

When the guests had woken up from Darth Vader's muffled cry, they all trudged down to the dining room. Han muttered something about how hungry he was and why not eat at the dining table to respect what it's for. Luke was constantly reminding Darth Vader that he won't sing.

"I will not sing, Father."

"If that is your destiny."

"You must search your feelings, Father! You cannot do this!"

"You will sing."

"Then my father is truly dead."

In the dining room, the guests collapsed in the chairs then immediately got up because Darth Vader was using the force to quickly put the chairs and table away. Soon, they were standing in a kind of messed up circle facing each other. Darth Hideous shouted, "Darthy, why don't you start the Karaoke game!"

Darth Vader started. He hadn't heard that nickname in a looooong time.

"No, You start it." He folded his arms and nodded to Luke. Luke fell into a spasm of fits.

"Father!"

"Start it."

"No!"

"Start it."

"I will not start it."

"If that is yo—"

"Oh, shut the heck up!" Leia had had enough of this.

"Oh, I'll sing," Luke said. "I just can't sing! What can I sing? Give me something to sing!"

Darth Vader shoved Luke onto the podium (don't know how it got there) and Luke nervously picked up the microphone (don't know how it got there either) and started to sing pretty horribly, "Hero". When he finished R2-D2 made an extremely rude noise. C-3PO slapped him and said, "R2-D2, you wouldn't sound any better!"

Luke turned red and mumbled, "See? I can't sing." Leia came up to him and patted him on the shoulder. "Just because R2-D2 is a rude astrodroid that doesn't know any... YOW!" Leia leaped back from Luke as the little astrodroid shot a stinging laser bolt at her fanny. Enraged, she raced R2-D2 around the room until she collapsed in a sweaty heap. R2-D2 made a shrill noise of laughter and C-3PO bonked him on the head. Darth Vader stared at Leia awhile then said, "You're dirtying my nice carpet. Get up."

Leia deliberately slobbered all over the floor and then got up, thinking of what Darth Vader's expression would be at the moment.

Darth Hideous had been reading the Scottrade Quick-Start Instructions for Online Trading this whole time and did not understand later why there was a sticky knot of carpet with green mold growing over it the following weekend, and couldn't get rid of it; but back to Karaoke.

After Luke, Han decided to sing. He snatched up the microphone and shouted to the whole galaxy, "Another horrible song by Hananananan Solo, and yes folks, that is my whole name. Prepare to cover your ears as I sing "I'm an Old Cow Han."

"You're...a cow." Leia raised her eyebrow.

"Yes...and I proud of it!"

"Okay. Just—sing."

Han cleared his throat, and sung I'm an Old Cow Hand. Of course he only sang the first few lines, then stopped 'cause he forgot the last few verses. R2-D2 blew a loud electric raspberry, and not surprisingly, no one bothered to bonk him on the head, for everyone was thinking 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew' in their heads from Han's horrible singing.

Of course, after that awful bit of singing, Leia decided it was her turn. But, the wrinkly prune called Darth Hideous jumped up onto the platform before Leia even moved a muscle. He grabbed the microphone and gasped loudly and dramatically, "I, the hideous ruler of the universe, has come," he paused, "I shall sing...er... Wazzitsname."

Wazzitsname turned out to be a horrible, wheezy tune Palpatine made up. Leia sighed loudly, and a bit angrily, and everyone scurried out of her way. She pranced up to the mic, sang a few notes, then immediately plunged into a favorite Alderaan song, It is You (I Have Loved).

There is something that I see

In the way you look at me

There's a smile there through tears

In your eyes.

But an unexpected way,

On this unexpected day

Could it be

This is where I belong?

It is you I have loved

All along.

No more mystery

It is finally clear to me

You're the home I have searched for

So long

And it is you I have loved

All along

There were times I ran to hide

'Fraid to show the other side

Alone in the night

Without you.

But now I know just who you are

And I know you hold my heart

Finally, this is where I belong

It is you I have loved

All along!

As Leia sang, she could hear the music in her head, but soon the music was filling the room. While she sang, she tried to find the source of the music. Turning around, she saw Darth Vader fiddling with his buttons on the supposed "breathing device" on his chest. She grinned, then fell back into the wonderful sound of her voice:

"...Isn't there a meaning

To the sweetest devotion

As I

I look into your perfect face.

No more mystery

It is finally clear to me

You're the home my heart searched for

So long!

And it is you I have loved

It is you I have loved

It is you I have loved

All along!

Leia finished with a stunned silence behind her. As she turned around, Lando, with his mouth open, managed to clap a few times before he fainted. Leia, looking around, bowed her head muttering, "Well, I thought it was good."

C-3PO instantly replied, "It was splendid, your Highness! Simply marvelous! Brilliant! Incredible! Fantastic! Extraordinary! Amazi..." Luke had turned him off.

"It was seriously awesome! Wonder where you got the great voice?" Luke asked to be immediately answered by a low electronic voice.

"Me." Darth Vader strode up to the podium but did not pick up the mic.

"Leia is my daughter. Now I shall sing...Best Years of Our Lives... and I shall dance."

Quite suddenly, Darth Vader was not Darth Vader. He was break-dancing Anakin Skywalker. The music started and he sang.

It was slow until...

Ohohoh!

Makes me want to dance!

Ohohoh!

It's another romance!

Ohohoh!

I look into your eyes.

Ohohoh!

Best years of our lives!

Before anyone knew it, they were clapping along with the rhythm. Darth Vader was good! (At singing...AND break-dancing!)

When he finished, everyone clapped hard, then broke off remembering that this was Darth Vader, the murderer of the Jedi, and all the Alderaan peoples. Leia felt tears sting her eyes, but still, her father was a break-dancer. Maybe the Jedi had to learn how to break-dance. Hmmmmm.

Darth Hideous suddenly jumped up watching his watch. "A record! Darth Vader, you spun on your head for over 30 seconds without breaking your step! A record, I say!"

Darth Vader, who was on the sprawled on the floor, murmuring, "My head broke, my head broke..." did not answer.

Chewbacca roared loudly, and everyone spun around. They had completely forgotten him! Han walked forward.

"C'mon, Chewie, sing something! It'll be great to hear you sing in Wookie! And...," Han lowered his voice dramatically and Chewbacca leaned closer, "No one 'cept me (and C-3PO) will know what you're singing," he ended with a mischievous wink.

Chewbacca straightened up and cracked his knuckles. Luke looked wary as Chewbacca sidled up to the mic. All eyes turned to him. He cleared his throat in the Wookie way, and roared.

And he roared long. I mean long. It was at least 5 minutes before he took a breath. Chewie was singing his song on one breath, wavering higher, then lower, then higher again. Leia's eyebrow instinctively went up. Is this what Wookies call singing?

Han suddenly burst into a fit of giggles. He doubled up on the floor, and stayed that way shaking in loud laughter until Chewie stopped abruptly out of sheer irritation at not being the only source of noise.

Han gasped, and held his lungs.

"Chewie!" he scolded. "That wasn't funny!"

Leia's eyebrow, if possible, went higher.

Han made to stand up, but Leia pushed him back down.

"What did he sing?" she demanded.

"You think I'm going to tell you?" Han asked jabbing a finger at his chest.

"Yes."

"Sorry. That 'yes' wasn't forceful enough." Han said, sighing.

"Yes!" Leia screamed in his ear. Han crab-walked quickly backwards then straightened up.

"Well?" Leia said demandingly. Han stared at her.

"Did you say something?" he asked, confused. Leia sighed exasperatedly.

"Yes, I asked if that 'yes' was forceful enough," she said.

"Eh? Could you speak up?" Han asked and put a hand behind his ear. Leia's anger pumped up, but before she could say anything, she was hurled backwards by her father. She couldn't wait to get this dang Karaoke game finished.

"Are we done yet?" she asked sadly.

"No! Lando hasn't sung yet! Get back in line, Wookiee! Straighten up, Corellian! Stop staring at me, Jedi! And you, go find Lando. He must've snuck out." Darth Vader said, pointing at Leia.


	2. Leia's Quest

True, Lando had snuck out and was hurrying toward the main hangar. He, of course, thought he had squeezed out of Darth Vader's grip, but when he reached the main hangar, and was dialing in his code, a stormtrooper came up to him and said fuzzily, "You are supposed to be supping with Lord Vader. If you snuck out, he will not be pleased. Go back to the dining room. Now."

Lando sighed, picked up some random pebble, chucked it at the stormtrooper, and made his way to his bedroom, while the stormtrooper's gear thudded on the ground.

Meanwhile, Leia was out looking for Lando. She was actually very happy to be out of that muggy dining room and out in the Bespin halls where everyone else were. Maybe if she just snuck out...

Darth Vader was growing impatient. Leia had not come back, neither had Lando, and the idiot Jedi is **_still _**goggling at him(!), because Luke had never thought an old man in armor could break-dance.

Leia jogged down the length of the hall and stopped short at the main hangar. She'll steal any ship. Girls can steal any ship they like around here, she thought.

Right then, a stormtrooper marched his way to Leia and said fuzzily, "You are under strict orders to come back to Lord Vader's dining hall with Lando Calrissian. Where is he?"

Leia rolled her eyes and said, "He's right behind you about to pelt you with a dozen random galaxy rocks." Leia then used her magical force powers and picked up some very random galaxy rocks and flung them in the back of the stormtrooper's head. They collided with a thump, and the stormtrooper fell unconscious.

Sprinting down the length of the hall, Leia punched the lift button, and the doors swished open. She leaped inside and hammered the #12 on the screen. As the doors shut, she swore.

"This is a glass elevator!" she cried, exasperated. Everyone could see her!

Lando's door swished closed behind him, and he flopped down on a squishy armchair. He slouched there, stunned. Boy, was Darth Vader really going to hurt him now.

_The only thing, _he snickered, _he doesn't know my password to get in here!_

Darth Vader, meanwhile, was smoldering with anger. Luke had recovered from his stupor, and he, Han, Chewie, R2-D2, and C-3PO (who had been turned back on) were all huddled in a corner, watching Darth Vader's armor steam. Luke knew what was coming. He closed his eyes and plugged his ears.

"NWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

They all cringed, and the vibration caused C-3PO, against his will, to crack into a thousand pieces.

"What the..." Lando jumped up. One low wavering note was echoing through his floor. Darth Vader had finally cracked.

Stomping up the chairs, Darth Vader drew closer to Lando's dull force bubble. (He was using the force to find Lando.) He must pay! By singing TWO songs!

Leia hid herself in a shadow in the lift, as it slid itself up to the 12th floor. She couldn't believe her luck.

"Now," she said quietly to herself, "I'll just hop into the Millennium Falcon and fly away... leaving the others behind! How could I! I'm so rude."

She sighed sadly, then patted herself on the back. "That's what I'm good at!" She said proudly.

The lift stopped, and she ran out onto the landing. Where to go? Hmmmmmmmmmm. She reached a fork and turned left... to a dead end, except for the stairs.

Han, Luke, and the two droids, unstuck each other from being huddled in one corner for two long, and, since Darth Vader was gone, were thinking of a plan. Darth Hideous, was oblivious to everything that was going on, and was humming to himself and practicing his force lightening techniques by frying flies on the windowsill.

"Why don't we get in the Millennium Falcon," Han began, "then... wait no. Hang on. Er... Let's find Leia, jump down into the docking bay..."

"And break our necks," Luke replied. "Bad idea."

"If I may inquire..." C-3PO said, but Han silenced him with 'a look'.

"Ah ha!" Palpatine cried. "I have found out that using force lightening on this plastic makes it turn to green and orange goo!"

No one paid him any attention. Han began again.

"Ok, I got it... let's all space out, I'll go to the M. Falcon, zoom around the docking bay, until you guys come out on the balcony above, and I'll fly up, and you people can hop aboard!"

"But what about me?" C-3PO cried. Han thrust a finger at his nose.

"We'll leave you behind," he said savagely.

Darth Vader reached Lando's bedroom door and sliced it open with his lightsaber. Lando crouched down in the armchair, afraid of Darth Vader's wrath.

"Get up, you worthless pile of dung! Get up!" he cried swishing his lightsaber around his head like a lasso. He grabbed Lando by the neck, and hauled him out of his room.

"This wasn't part of our agreement!" Lando managed to gasp as Darth Vader pulled him down the stairs.

Leia gasped as she heard a thumping of great metal boots on the stairs ahead of her. Soon, the black figure of Darthy emerged dragging... Lando! She had to get to the others... fast.

Turning around she headed for the elevator doors, and, as they opened, the most peculiar figure stepped out.

"Excuse me. My room is right behind you." Luna Lovegood said as she stepped out of the lift. "Have a nice day!"

Leia goggled. No wonder this place was so weird...

The door banged open, and Darth Vader came into the dining room, hauling an unconscious Lando.

"You! Get over here!" Vader cried pointing at Han and dropping Lando. "You're getting carbonited!"

Han stared. He was going to be frozen in carbonite, as if this whole thing was his fault! He'll show 'em, he'll show 'em all!

He raised his fists, but Chewie got there first. He punched Darth Vader in the mask, much to his displeasure, for he got hurt worse than Vader did.

"And you, you get to go in prison where you belong!" Vader cried, pointing at Chewbacca. Chewie growled as he massaged his knuckles.

"I'll deal with you later," he said, kicking Lando aside. "And you, droid," he said, looking at C-3PO's scattered limbs, "you can piece yourself together!"

"I'm doomed!" the droid's head replied. R2-D2 sniggered mechanically.


End file.
